I have not been able to get things together this year. I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up. Needless to say, we did not manage to get Christmas cards done. We've been battling sickness and it seemed impossible to find a time to get a picture taken. Then a friend of mine told me that she chose to not do one this year. She said that they have lots of family pictures on Facebook. I realized she was on to something. You've all been inundated with pictures of us on this blog and Facebook. I should not spend this season stressed, so I've decided to simplify my life. (Let me just say that I do love and treasure all of the cards that we have received. You all have beautiful families and amazing photography skills. Next year I'll try to do a card, really I will.)
Honestly, I've tried to pare down a lot of our Christmas stuff. I'm trying to find that balance between doing things from obligation and things that bring us joy. We've done some of our favorite traditions. We've filled shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. We've volunteered at a local Christmas Store for needy families. We've watched Charlie Brown Christmas, Elf, and The Grinch. We've gone to look at Christmas lights. We've had Christmas music dance parties. We've played games as a family. Cody sang a solo in our church's "Sounds and Tastes of Christmas"... so sweet and hilarious. We went to see Santa (yes, we do Santa. Don't judge. Check out my friend Lara's post on this... she echoes my thoughts beautifully). And some time before Sunday we'll attempt some baking. We'll attend Christmas Eve Lord's Supper service and Christmas morning worship. Granted since my hubby is the pastor, those are also sort of an obligation, but we'd do it anyway... one of my favorite parts of Christmas.
I'm trying to not go OCD over the placement of our ornaments.
She refused to smile, but wasn't crying, so we'll call that success.
Mercy was not impressed with Christmas lights.
Emma as "Jane Blonde" in the Christmas musical
I prefer the non-wig version, but when did she get so grown up???
Pretty girl showing off her new haircut.
So much sass!!
Everyone told me that Africa will mess with you, especially when it comes to Christmas. They were right. I experienced some of it last year, but not like this time. I don't know how to explain the inner struggle I have with all of it. There is part of me that would like to say we don't do any gifts, give all of our money away, and my children only think of Jesus when it comes to Christmas. On the other hand, I love to give my children gifts and see the glimmer of delight in their eyes. I love my husband surprising me with some gift I would never buy myself. I like to overeat on Christmas sweets and sing "Jingle Bells" and "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer". I may have had at least one meltdown over all of this... okay, maybe a couple.. [Ok, as an aside, I'll tell you one funny meltdown story. Cody decided to give me an early gift. It was a box of Raspberry filled Krispy Kreme Donuts. I've never been a huge donut person, but since I've been home, I've been craving them. I've eyed them in the store several times. But for some reason (calories or $5 per box for a pure indulgence when I know the kids would prefer sprinkles or chocolate) I could not allow myself to buy them. So when my sweet hubby gave them to his hormonal, sleep-deprived wife, I may have cried... a lot. I know it's weird, but somehow it hit me as the sweetest thing that he knew just what I wanted, but wouldn't buy myself. And they were SO good.]
Ok, back to the big questions I've been wrestling with... How much is too much? What else could be done with this money? Am I teaching my children to be generous? Do they really appreciate this stuff? Is it okay to take part in some purely American folklore traditions? At what point does it all get ridiculous? I think part of me wants to spoil the girls' like crazy because it's Mercy's first Christmas and I feel like Emma and Avery have earned it, and the other part of me realizes how much they have and neednothing. I'm still working through all of this, but I think we've figured out most of the answers for our family. I know I'm not alone in this. I've had numerous conversations with people working through these same things. Avery summed up a lot of it for me with this Santa letter she brought home from school... "Dear Santa, I want a smart board, but if you don't get me one, that's ok. I would like to spend more time with my family." (Thanks goodness, since a smart board is not quite in the budget!)
Since Thanksgiving we've all talked about how different this year is from last. How there was a sadness to the holidays last year since we weren't all together. We were writing posts like this one, or this one. We went to visit Cody's family for Thanksgiving. After our 3 day trip, we pulled into our neighborhood and Mercy started cheering, "We're home, we're home!". It meant the world to me that she knows she is home.
Our daredevil helping Daddy with the lights on our home.
Today we got a very special gift. Kendra, a friend from our area and a fellow Uganda mama, made this video for us. She and her family came to the airport for our homecoming back in July with just 2 hours notice. I've had several people give us pictures from that day, but no video. I've often thought how much I wish we had some. She answered that prayer for me in a big way with this very special video.
I watched it at 5:30 this morning and bawled. (Those of you who know me well are thinking, really Melissa, you were up at 5:30? I know it's hard to believe, but Cody had to take someone to the airport, which woke up me and the dog.) Then I watched it again later this morning with Avery and Mercy and cried some more. Avery said she wanted to keep playing it to see if I would cry every time. Punk kid. So grab some tissues, and enjoy. My favorite part is how it captures the joy and excitement of the moment in all of our faces. I cannot explain to you in words how that moment felt, but the video does a pretty good job. Take this as our Christmas card. This is a season of JOY, so I hope you can feel some of ours and praise the Lord , as we continue to do, for the work he has done and is continuing to do in our family. May we praise Him every day, in our JOY and our sorrows. May the awe and wonder of the season translate to awe and wonder that Christ came to earth to be our Savior. Merry Christmas!
Do you like books? Looking for a unique gift for one of your loved ones? Wondering what to buy the person who had everything? I have some links and recommendations for you!! I promise you won't be disappointed.
My sweet friend, Marci, wrote a family devotional, Advent: A Family Guide to Savoring Christ in Christmas
I've been looking for a good one for our family for years, so I'm really excited about trying this out this year. And it's not too late to start, especially since it comes in a downloadable version that you can have instantly. Plus, here is the bonus... all of the profits go to help fund the two adoptions they completed this year. I got to meet both of their children in Uganda. It was a privlege to play a very small part in their adoptions and it warms my heart to see their family all together.
Marci and her family on her recent homecoming with her baby girl.
Don't mind the blurs... it's hard to get a pic of that many all being still and looking at the camera. ;)
My friend, Jodi, and her daughter, Agnes, just wrote a book about the ins and outs of older child adoption, Fasten Your Sweet Belt. It's a great resource for those at any stage in the process. Jodi and her husband adopted three children from Uganda last year. Jodi has been a huge encouragement to me all through out our process and she is a huge advocate for adoption. She is even the chairperson for "Orphan Sunday" sponsored by Christian Alliance for Orphans. I count it a privelege to call her my friend. Now go buy her book!
I love the idea of shopping with a purpose. I love supporting small businesses, good causes, fair trade, and also picking up very cute and unique gifts. I thought of doing a whole list of my favorite sites, but several of my friends beat me to it. So, I thought I would instead just post links to their posts. Plus they all have great stories and blogs that you should check out anyway.
First up is a list from Love. She has lots of beautiful items on here that I would love to have. Anyway, her blog must be cool, c'mon, her name is Love.
LoraLynn, though on bedrest, homeschooling, and caring for her 6 children, found the time to once again do her list of gifts that also help fund adoptions. Check it out here: Home For Christmas 2011
I loved reading about how my friend, Kim, and her family challenged each other to give gifts with purpose. She's compiled a fun list with all different kinds of items and places where you can make a donation. If you are in the process of adopting, I also think you should check out some of her recent posts on their adoption. Her writing is beautiful, her honesty is refreshing, and her love story with her son is a joy to watch.
My friend, Rachel, came up with her own list. Actually two lists... here is the 2nd list.. Lots of great things on here to help people all over the world. Rachel is a huge advocate for fair trade, so she really knows her stuff.
And Kristen at Rage Against the Minivan also wrote a great list. I love some of the things on this list.
Do you have your own list or item for sale? Leave a comment with a link. I challenge each of you this year to buy at least one gift with a purpose. It's one simple way to add more meaning to your Christmas season this year.
For the past two years, our lives have revolved around adopting Mercy. As you all know, it's been a major roller coaster and very time consuming. Thankfully, we are moving into a new phase of our lives. I'm still trying to figure out what all of than entails, but I know God has some big plans for our family. We started this blog as a way to communicate information about our adoption to friends and families. It's turned into a lot more than that and I have really enjoyed writing and sharing our lives with all of you.
My Halloween cuties... Minnie Mouse, 80's Rocker, and Double Rainbow.
On the adoption front... Mercy's adoption is officially as complete as it can get. Her name is now legally Mercy Renee (my middle name too!) Busby and her readoption is done. She even has an official Kansas birth certificate. I don't think I let myself really believe that it was all over until we got that birth certificate in the mail. I am finally breathing a true sigh of relief.
Mercy finally meets P-Pa!
Mercy loving on Grandma!
Many of you have asked me if I will continue to blog. The past few months I've set blogging aside so I could focus on my family. After sharing so many details and feelings with everyone for so long, it was nice to take a break for a bit, but I do want to continue to blog. I don't know if anyone will still read it, but I want to share more about my thoughts on life with Christ, parenting, adoption, Africa, and my crazy family. I plan to soon change to a new blog address that can encompass all of these areas. I would LOVE any suggestions from you for a name for that blog. I have a few I am considering, but I'm always open to more.
Our attempt at another family photo while my parents were visiting.
I also will soon be launching a blog/website for "Mercy for Mamas". I really have a heart for this ministry and I hope that some of you will too. For me, it's one tangible way that I can help prevent more children from becoming orphans. More kits are needed. The crisis pregnancy centers that received them are running out. Harriett has women asking for more. My friend, Kathryn, has been passing them out in Arua. They are making a difference. She mentions them in a few of her recent blog posts, here, here, and here. I would love to see more community and church groups get involved. If you have a group that would like more information please let me know. I also would love to come speak at a meeting or event to help spread the word about how a simple kit can help save lives. It's crazy to think that $7 can truly change a woman's life.
One of the women using a Mama Kit that Kathryn gave her.
She is sitting outside the hospital while in labor.
Some of you have asked about Oasis of Life Orphanage. The money you donated has continued to help. Recently some people from "The Hope Venture" visited Oasis and were able to spend the remainder of the money to provide more food, another term of school fees, and clear some medical bills. The needs are still great, but we need a good solid plan on a long-term solution before moving forward. We are praying and seeking wisdom on how to proceed with things from here on out. But their faces will forever be etched in my mind.
I wish I knew what the future holds for my family. I've never been good with surprises, but they are part of the beauty of walking with God. He knows it all. He molds and shapes us for each adventure and crisis. People so often say that "God won't give you more than you can handle." I say that is a bunch of baloney. There are very few things I can handle on my own. My body grows weary, my mind loses focus, my patience is non-existent, and my wisdom is too often focused on my selfish desires. But God is the ultimate power and authority and only through Him can I accomplish anything. The most important thing I've learned in the past two years is that I can control nothing, but I know who can.
From the words of Jesus Calling and Philippians 4, "Put more energy into trusting Me and enjoying My presence. Don't let your well-being depend on your circumstances. Instead, connect your joy to my precious promises. 'I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I will meet all your needs according to My glorious riches. Nothing in all creation will be able to separate you from my Love.' " I am clinging to His promises, resting in His timing and will, and excited to see what lies ahead in this next chapter of our lives.
Today marks a special day for our family. One year ago, Mercy legally became our daughter. Also, one year ago, Mercy met her daddy for the first time. It is a day I will never forget. I’ll always remember sitting in that courtroom feeling sick to my stomach waiting to hear those precious words. I remember how relieved and elated Beth and I were as we left that place. I remember how excited I was to see my sweet husband after a month apart and how thrilled I was to introduce him to his new daughter. Little did I know what the next year would hold.
After Court!
Beth and I were kind of pumped up!
Meeting Daddy!
We celebrated last night with a family night at one of our favorite spots… burgers, hot dogs, and frozen custard. YUM! We also picked up these fabulous turkey hats. Thank you Target dollar bins!
And I’ve noticed that it is rare to get a photo of a Busby with a normal facial expression.
Mercy’s come a long way from the girl who refused to look at her daddy the first day she met him.
It cracks me up how Mercy is pushing Avery away here...
she had had enough kisses.
I can say that our family has grown in remarkable ways in the past year and we will never be the same. I am thankful for all of it. We have grown closer to each other and closer to God. We’ve learned that nothing is guaranteed, but that some things are worth the battle. We’ve learned tough lessons that we would not have learned without the trials.
And now to what you really want to know... how is her hair?
My latest hair-do... my skills have improved in the past year,
but I have a ways to go.
Here we are two months down the road and it seems like we’ve always lived this way. The first few weeks were completely surreal. It was wild actually having them home. Our families and friends were gracious to give us a bit of space to adjust to our new life. But I think it was just as surreal for them as it was for us. They often just stared at Melissa and Mercy as if they couldn’t believe they were actually here.
So many of my routines are different now. I get to work a full day in the office. I go to bed earlier because I’m not up past midnight to Skype. And I’ve lost seven pounds by not scarfing the unbelievable desserts that came with the dinners our friends brought us. It is so good to be together. We get asked a lot of the same questions so I thought I might run through a little Q&A to bring you up to speed.
Q. Hi Cody. How are you?
A. I’m doing well. Thank you.
Q. How is Mercy adjusting?
A. She is doing great. I think because of the uniqueness of our situation she had fewer adjustments to make than other children do when they arrive home. Our biggest challenge has been sleep, but she is finally sleeping through the night. Really she’s just like a normal two year old; loud, snotty, cuddly, busy, stubborn, perfect.
Q. How’s her English?
A. Just like any other two year old’s English. Remember she has been with Melissa for the past year. And actually her language seems to be growing every week. That’s the nice way to say she never shuts up! It’s great.
Q. How are things going with the big girls?
A. It’s going really well with them also. We haven’t seen any hint of jealousy. They are great with Mercy. I didn’t anticipate how helpful Emma would be, but she has been awesome. Avery struggled a bit at first to find that balance between being little sister and big sister, but she’s doing great now. The girls do a bit of fighting as well, so that makes me think they’re really sisters.
Q. Is it good to have your wife home?
A. It is pretty stinking amazing. I am a big fan of living with my wife.
Q. Will you guys go back to Uganda?
A. Of course we will, but maybe later rather than sooner. We know we want Emma and Avery to see Uganda. We know that we want to return with Mercy when she is older. And we have dear friends there that we want to see again. We love the country and carry a burden for the people. Besides it wasn’t Uganda that gave us fits…it was America.
Q. Will you adopt again?
A. Almost certainly, but we need to rest for a while.
So again I want to say thanks for all your help, all your prayers, all your encouragement, all your t-shirt and jewelry buying, all your food, all my weight gain, all your tears, and all your willingness to invade foreign countries on our behalf. We have been blessed by all of you. Thank you for sticking with us this whole way. Now we’re going to go play house.
I feel like right now is a time of transitions for our family. We are learning how to be a family of 5. Cody and I are correcting some of our "survival mode" parenting of the past year. Remember Cody's post about how every man should live the life of his wife for a time. I'm learning how to deal with this super helpful and quite efficient husband that has evolved and learning to let him help, which has not always been easy for this control-freak mama. I'm also adjusting to life here with a toddler. For the past couple of years, I had a lot more time for cooking, cleaning, errands, etc. In Uganda I didn't do much cooking or cleaning, thanks to the wonderful homes God placed me in, so I'm learning that I can't accomplish all that I used to in a day. This is the trouble of having children 4.5 years apart... you forget some of these things. I'm cleaning up messes like this:
Yep, she unrolled a brand new roll. Fun times.
Never a dull moment.
I prepared myself for the worst when coming home. I'd heard all sorts of stories from people about how hard it would be for Mercy, how my marriage would be put to the test, how Emma and Avery would have major issues, and I would have severe reverse culture-shock. Honestly, everything has gone remarkably well. I don't know why this part of the process has been relatively easy for us, but we'll take it. I think it helps that Mercy has been with me for a year now. She's had all of that time to learn to trust me and feel secure, to learn English, already felt bonded to Mercy. I also think part of it is the grace of God, realizing that we've been through a lot in the past year and that we needed something to be easy. (For a glimpse of the typical "transition" experience for adoptive families read this post. It has great insight for how to help and understand what families are going through. If you know someone adopting, you should read it.)
Aunt Meredith came for a quick visit. Mercy just called her "Mommy's Sister."
Aunt Stephanie and her crew came for a couple of days too during their recent move. Crazy to see both of my sisters within a week of each other. That never happens!
I have felt a bit in a fog since I got home. I'm still trying to process all I've experienced and all God has taught me. I don't know what God wants me to do with all of it. I have some ideas and dreams of what I would like to see happen, but I'm trying to figure out if that is what God wants or just my own desires.
A couple of weeks ago I read an editorial in the paper that talked about the death of a friend of the author's family. The author discussed how this mother did not have a high profile job or lead a major cause, but she quietly cared for and sacrificed for her family. Her death would not be the talk of the town, but it will be felt immensely by this family because she loved them all so well. The author went on to say that the significance of a mother is often found in the little things. Those simple tasks which we do every day have greater meaning than we may realize. It's packing lunches, snuggle time, games, and reading books. It's making a favorite snack, a trip to the park, bedtime kisses. I'm trying to let that soak in.
Love hanging out with my Avery. Funniest kid ever.
Me and my "mini-me" Emma. She's suddenly so grown up, yet somehow I never age. Amazing.
This is what happens when you and your incredibly tall husband try to take a pic of yourselves. So grateful to once again get date nights.
For the past year I feel like I've been in this huge battle for my family. My purpose was obvious and my goal was always before me. You prayed for us and cheered us on. Now, that battle is won and I'm trying to learn how to move on from here. I'm finding purpose in the small moments and relishing in every day life with my family. My days are filled with laundry, cooking, school projects and chasing around a very busy toddler. I'm trying to make it to school pick up on time and making sure we don't run out of bread or milk. In the midst of this I'm realizing that my life still has as much purpose and meaning. I don't have to be fighting governments and launching police investigations to have meaning. My meaning comes from serving God and showing His love to others, whether that be with starving orphans in Africa or at my own dinner table with my family.
All along this journey we've had people give us some amazing and thoughtful gifts. There is one very special gift that I need to tell you about...
We have a sweet couple at our church that has an amazing ministry called "Comfort Quilts". Two years ago, Alayna and Rob, who are both police officers, felt called to make a special quilt for the family of an officer that was shot and killed. They made the quilt from his old uniforms. Since then, the ministry has snowballed and they've now made quilts for 15 different families all over the country. All of the quilts are hand-delivered, which gives Rob and Alayna a special opportunity to minister first hand with these hurting families. Just this past week, our local news station ran a story on Comfort Quilts. (watch it here) Rob and Alayna found out this weekend that "The Today Show" wants to do a story on them this week. They're flying their whole family to New York. So look for them on TV later this week. It is so cool to see what God has done with this ministry.
Anyway... Alayna is adopted, so adoption has a very special place in her heart. All through out this process she's sent me encouraging emails, poems, and prayers. Before I left last August she told me to buy some Ugandan fabrics because she wanted to make a special quilt to represent Mercy's Ugandan heritage. I had the best time picking out the fabrics in the wild and crazy fabric market. I gave the fabric to Alayna when I was home at Christmas.
A couple of weeks ago she delivered the finished product. I love that she incorporated our Love Mercy t-shirts into the design too. Thank you so much Rob and Alayna! I love it and I know Mercy will love it for years to come. Now to get it hung on the wall!
I know that all too often I write posts about ways you can give money. I hate to inundate you with requests, but there are so many good ministries and places for you to give. There are people all over this world doing amazing work, but they need funding in order for that work to continue. So once again, I'm asking you to give or to at least consider it. This project combines adoption and orphan prevention, which are two very important things to me.
Just before Mother's Day, I linked to the website for "Because Every Mother Matters" and the special cards they were selling. This ministry is run by an adoptive mom, who like me, decided she wanted to do something to prevent more orphans in this world. Stephany is fighting for safe pregnancies and deliveries for women in Africa. She's done all kinds of projects to help women in Ethiopia. On a recent trip, she learned about one area where 4 of every 10 women die in childbirth. Yes, you read that right. 4 of every 10! This is in a remote area and the women do not have a safe way to make it to a medical clinic when there is a complication. It takes at least 10 HOURS to HIKE to the nearest hospital. Stephany decided that she would raise enough money to buy a 4x4 ambulance and then provide additional supplies and training to the local midwives in the 24 surrounding villages. This ambulance will cost $10,000.
Stephany wanted to combine the fundraising for the ambulance with a fundraiser for people's adoptions. Here are the basics, for every twenty dollars you give, an adoptive family of your choice gets a chance to win $2500. Then any money raised over the $10,000 will be given to additional adoptive families. You can read Stephany's explanation here... she does a much better job of it than I do. Just go to the website and click on the donation button. In the notes section add the name of an adoptive family. I recommend that you put down, The Manuels of Clinton, MS. These are some of our sweet friends that are adopting from Ethiopia. Michael went to seminary with Cody and is a pastor now in Mississippi. They are an amazing family and I would love to know that some of your are supporting their adoption. Or if you know of another adopting family that you'd like to help, feel free to put their name. This fundraiser is scheduled to end on Sunday, September 4th, so act now!
The Manuels, aren't they adorable?
Every mother matters, whether in Ethiopia or America. I know that if all of us would pitch in, we could easily fund the purchase of this ambulance. This will save the lives of approximately 40 women per month. This is a desperate need. I just keep thinking of these laboring women trying to hike or be carried 10 hours to a hospital and dying along the way-- that is unacceptable. Be part of the solution. I must say it again... this world does not need more orphans.
So do you remember the "Mercy Beard" Campaign from last Fall? Cody asked other guys to join him in growing beards until Mercy and I got home. Many men joined in the fun and sported their facial hair, but then it took forever for Mercy and I to get home. When we thought we were coming home in December, many guys shaved. Cody shaved when I came home for Christmas because he knows how much I hate rubbing against the scruff. He knew if he wanted kisses he needed to shave. ;) He started growing it out again when I returned to Uganda in January, and kept it until his trip to visit us in March. After that he just gave up on it and decided it was too painful of a reminder of how long all of this was taking.
But there are three amazing guys (let me know if I've missed someone) who kept their Mercy beards from October until we returned home on July 16th. Wow, that is some major dedication. Now they did trim it up so they wouldn't be accused of being mountain men or draw the notice of the police.
I also want to give a big shout out to their wives and children. I think the wives were more excited than their husbands to shave, with their children coming in a close second.
Thank you so much guys for your dedication and love and support of our family, for sharing our story, and for rocking that facial hair so long. YOU WIN!
Meet....
Sam Dial, one of our amazing church members (also pictured his two cute daughters Madalyn and Morgan)
Our dear friend and Youth Pastor, Asa Ramirez. His sweet wife even let him keep the beard for the birth of their new baby girl.
Randy Sisk who was with me on the trip when I first met Mercy. He and his family have been a big encouragement to us!
When you see these guys make sure and give them some props!
For just $7 you can help to change the life of a woman in Uganda and her new baby. All donations go toward the purchase of Mama Kits, which give women the supplies they need for a safe and clean delivery and encourages them to seek medical help while in labor. The world does not need more orphans. www.mercyformamas.com
