Randomocity

A few random tidbits for you…

I finally got a picture of a refrigerator on the back of a boda boda. Not the best quality of photo, but you can get the idea.


Taken through a dirty windshield... so sorry for the quality

Other recent boda sitings… a full size windshield, a gigantic plate of glass, a boda on the back of a boda, and a twin size wooden bed frame strapped down vertically.

Another funny moment… When you enter a major shopping center here the car must be searched by security. They usually put a mirror underneath it, open the glove box and the trunk. The other day, the guard opened the trunk of the car in front of me (a Mercedes Sedan) and a goat popped out. Seriously, a live goat! The funny thing was no one seemed to think it was strange but me. The guard just shoved its head back down and closed it up. Unfortunately, I did not get my camera out in time.

And it’s only taken 8 months, but Mercy finally got up enough courage today to play on the ride-on toys in front of one of our favorite ice cream places. She’s always been interested in them, but would not go near them or touch them. A couple of weeks ago I got her to touch one of them and sit very briefly. Today, she sat inside both of them and played around, laughing the whole time. Maybe someday she’ll be brave enough for me to put the money in and actually have it move. Baby steps!

And last week, the house girls told me that I should get Mercy’s hair “hot combed” or blow-dried. So I took her to the salon to get it done. This was her first time in a real salon, as usually, the lady who braids it comes to our house. We went with the blow dry, and let’s just say that Mercy did not like it. I held her and tried to talk her through it. I was trying to distract her with her reflection in the mirror and I told her that she looked very pretty, but she ignored me… very loudly. I offered her a sucker, but she refused it. When it was over, and thank goodness it didn’t take too long, I paid the bill ($2). As we walked out, Mercy turned into the mirror, patted her now very fluffy hair, and said “I pretty” while grabbing the sucker from my hand and popping into her mouth. Oh my! Here’s a picture of the hair post-blow dry. But this poofy hair did not last long. Within 24 hours it was kinked back up and I think the blow drying broke it off some, as she has new fuzzy pieces. I don’t think we’ll do that again anytime soon.

And please continue to pray for us.  I've made a bit of progress in recent days and we hope that it will continue and that this could be a sign of an end in sight.

Easter

Well, I never in a million years would have thought I would be spending Easter in Uganda. And I’ll be honest, I was not too happy about it at the start of the week. Thankfully, I came around as the week went on.
I love that here both Good Friday and Easter Monday are public holidays. So it gives everyone lots of time to travel and celebrate. On Friday, we attended a Good Friday service at Watoto Church. They always have amazing music and they had a very moving reading of the Crucifixion, communion, and a long time of prayer. It was just what I needed. The only tricky part was keeping an energetic toddler entertained and quiet for the two hours. I won’t tell you how many suckers she consumed, but they seemed to work. Sometimes it’s all about survival.

On Sunday we went to church with Lawrence. I bought Mercy a new dress for the occasion. I thought about wearing my new Ugandan dress, but my wardrobe choices are a bit limited when taking a boda boda (motorcycle) to church. Not sure if I should admit this or not, but I think this was the first time in my life to not wear a new outfit on Easter morning. And guess what… life went on and there was still church. Who knew?

Mercy was not too happy about getting her picture taken. She wanted to twirl instead.

It totally reminded me of Avery’s Easter photos when she just turned 2. This was the best I could get. Seriously, Avery and Mercy are a lot alike. It makes me laugh and I’m grateful to know that there is a light at the end of this strong-willed toddler tunnel.

Church was very good. I loved when the pastor said, “Let’s make sure to keep the resurrection a reality and not just a memory.” Good stuff. Then we went to lunch with my friend, Cheryl, and her daughter that she is adopting. They have a long and precious story of how they met and the journey they’ve been on to bring her home. I met Cheryl while sitting in court hearings last fall. I make friends in the craziest places here. I was very glad to be able to spend the holiday with her. We had a great meal and then let the kids run around and play for a bit. And if you think of it pray for them tomorrow. They have a very important meeting.

Sunday evening, Mercy and I hung out with Simon, Kelly, and Heather and her kiddos. I feel so blessed that God has given me great friends to be with while I am here. It makes the tough days so much easier to handle. He keeps taking care of me every step of the way.

Cody, Emma, and Avery had a wonderful Easter. Poor Cody went non-stop last week. He had multiple services to handle, other pastoral duties, and then took care of all of the Easter things at home. He did fabulous. The girls had lots of fun and looked beautiful. Cody said the services all went well and they had many people make decisions for Christ, which is the true meaning of Easter. They had a great lunch with some wonderful friends from church… and then they crashed and enjoyed some much needed rest.
 

Avery, friend Mady, and Emma



Egg Hunt Fun!

 While I hope that this is our last big holiday apart, I know that we are all grateful for the ways God provided for us this past week. He continues to bless us, so we continue to persevere.

Mercy for Mamas

I feel awful that I have not updated you all on my Mama Kit Project in so long. Things are happening and it is very exciting… so here are a bunch of updates and sweet stories in no particular order.

By the way, I’ve decided to call the ministry, “Mercy for Mamas”.

First off… all of the kits that have been purchased have been delivered and/or are spoken for. Last month, I got to make a delivery of kits to the Youth For Christ Crisis Pregnancy Center in Kampala. This Center helps countless young girls and houses about 20 of them at a time while they are pregnant. They were very grateful for the donations. A donation like this is a huge blessing to them. It eases the burden of the cost for these girls and it also helps free up other money in the ministry to be used for other pressing needs. They have enough kits now to last them at least 9 months.


Me, Kelly, and Mercy with the YFC Girls

I also recently discovered another Crisis Pregnancy Center in the area that can use kits. Another adoptive mom told me about them and introduced me to the director. I hope to get their kits to them in the next week. Sometimes the networking of the adoption world can be so fabulous.
Unfortunately, the price of the Mama Kits has gone up by about $1.50. There is a shortage of cotton in the country, which means the price for the cotton wool has gone way up and that is one of the most expensive parts of the kit. I’m hoping this will go back down soon so that our money can go further and help more people.

I also recently gave a box of kits to my friend, Kathryn, who serves in Arua. She’s been passing them out to women she comes in contact with. It’s been a great way for her to minister to these women. She says the women are delighted to get this gift. Here are a few of the stories she has about passing out the kits (you can also check out her blog, she always has great stories of their lives here in Africa) :

By Kathryn- "I gave one to Janie, and she had tears in her eyes as she thanked me.

I gave one to Lillian, and she told me that just the day before, she had gone to the clinic to get checked and they had suggested she buy her things to prepare, but she didn’t have the 10,000 shillings and didn’t know how she would get it. She was so blessed by this Mama Kit arriving perfectly in God’s timing.

Kat and Helen, another sweet Mama that loved her gift

This next woman, Annette, is a relative to Alice (Kathryn’s house help). She arrived at my house at 8:45 in the morning. She had left her home in the village at 6am, walking to meet me. She reached Alice’s, they “took tea” and then came to my house. I’m guessing she got to Alice’s around 8am. That means this pregnant woman walked 2 HOURS to get this kit that costs approximately $5!! She sat, I gave her some water and a snack, and I said as many things to her in Lugbara as I could, which wasn’t much. I couldn’t get over the journey she had made that morning. How blessed we are. This was life changing for her."

Kat and Annette

Harriett tells me that most all of them women in the nearby slum area that received kits in November and December have now given birth. She says they all still thank her when she sees them and they were so glad to be able to go to the hospital for delivery. Harriett says there are also many more pregnant women that we need to help there. Sometimes the need can be so overwhelming.

Next weekend, my friends with the “Be a Blessing” ministry will be leading a crusade in a nearby village. They also plan to give away 100 Mama Kits during a special women’s bible study. I hope to be there to see the kits get passed out. But they promised to take photos and give me a full report if I am not. I am so glad to be a small part of the blessing that this group will be to this village

Some other amazing moments…

A woman in Alabama contacted me about the kits. Somehow, she heard about my blog through a mutual friend. God has been talking to her lately about doing a mission project. God laid Mama Kits on her heart. She and the women’s ministry at her church are raising money by making a cookbook. They hope to raise enough funds to be able to buy more than 300 kits. I’ll get you info on the cookbook and where to buy them as soon as I get it.

A friend of mine wanted her daughter to learn more about helping others. She told her little girl about Mama Kits and they decided to have a bake sale to raise some money. They called it "Cupcakes for Kits".  Sweet little Claire raised more than $160. Oh, how I love this.

Mercy shirts representing!!



How could you not buy a cupcake from this sweet face?

Another dear friend recently had a baby. (By the way, it kills me for my friends to be delivering when I am not there. Don’t they know how much I love to snuggle newborns?!) My friend had several showers, so she asked at one of them for people to donate to Mama Kits instead of buying a gift. Such an honor! Last year for Mother’s Day, this same friend and her sister were some of the first ones to donate to this project and they did it in honor of their mom. So sweet!

Our small groups at church just recently went through the book “Radical”, which by the way, I’ve mentioned on here before and I highly recommend. One of the teenage girls contacted me, and said after reading the book she felt convicted to do something. She sold some of her clothes, video games, and other “stuff” and donated about $100 for Mama Kits. I love to see young people with such a heart to help others.

And I must give a plug for another group… I stumbled today upon this website. This organization, "Because Every Mother Matters" very much has the same heart as mine to help women have safe deliveries. They have beautiful Mother’s Day Cards for sale. Each card is $10 and all money goes towards their ministry to help the women of E. Africa. Funny thing, greeting cards are on my dream list for the future of my Mama Kit ministry, but until I have my own cards done, you’ll have to buy one from them.

If you’d like to make a donation in honor of your wife, mother, or grandmother this Mother’s Day, you can click on the PayPal Donation link on this page for "Mercy for Mamas". All money will be used to purchase Mama Kits. I can’t imagine what mom wouldn’t like to know that their gift went to help another mama in Africa. The world does not need more orphans. Children like Mercy are not orphans because their mothers did not love them or want them. She is an orphan because her mother did not have access to proper medical care. I am not okay with that, and I hope you are not either.

Prayers for Progress

I just wanted to let you all know to keep praying for progress for us.  I spoke to the person I needed to yesterday and he said he'd be working on things sometime in the next few days.  With the holiday weekend, we are hoping it will get done before Friday. This may be wishful thinking, but we can pray for it! 

Keep 'em Coming!

I am glad to tell you that I made a bit of progress today.  Your prayers are working, so keep 'em coming.  It's funny... my progress today was not huge, but after weeks of nothing, anything seems big, so I am rejoicing in it.  I am praying for this week to be a week of progress and action.

Another update for you... remember the child prison that I visited which is part of the work of SixtyFeet.  SixtyFeet sponsored their "National Cupcake Sale" this weekend to raise money for their organization.  Many of you after learning about this group decided to round up your kids and have a bake sale.  It was so fun to read on Facebook and blogs about all of the cupcakes being made and sold.  Check out the Cupcake Kids website for the grand total of money raised... the last time I looked it was more than $30,000!  Amazing!

Another great quote from "Jesus Calling"...
"I have designed you to need Me moment by moment. As your awareness of your neediness increases, so does your realization of My abundant sufficiency. I can meet every one of your needs without draining My resources at all. Approach my throne of grace with bold confidence, receiving My peace with a thankful heart."


I am thankful that I serve a God with a never-ending supply of grace, love, and peace for Me.

Mercy Monday

Many of you continue to pray for us on each "Mercy Monday", which for those in the US actually starts on Sunday night.  For those who do pray, I wanted to ask for a bit of special prayer for us this week.  It's been several weeks since we've really made any progress.  I really would love to see something happen... anything.  Tomorrow I hope to meet with someone about our case.  Pray for that meeting to take place and for this person to feel compassion for us.  And with Easter this coming week, pray for my family.  It is very hard to be apart, and it's always more difficult during a holiday.  I'm having a hard time being away for this, so please help me to get through this week with the right attitude and for my mind to be focused on the reason we celebrate, and not my own troubles.

An interesting passage of scripture I heard this morning at church:
2 Corinithians 1:8b-11 "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.  Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.  But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us.  On him we have set out hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.  Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

Now, I am not saying that we are literally "despaired even of life" or that we feel the "sentence of death", but I do feel under great pressure, a bit of despair, and "sentenced".  But as the verses say, I don't want to rely on myself... I can't really.  Your prayers ARE helping.  And I can't wait for our day of deliverance to see how many will give thanks with us for our answered prayers. 

Prayer Mountain

Yesterday, my friend, Heather and I went to a place called “Prayer Mountain”. We’d heard it was a great place to go to getaway to pray. So we left our kids with Kelly (no one under age of 7 is allowed at the mountain) and took off. The place is a bit outside of Kampala. The whole area is set up to be a spiritual retreat for people. They have an open air meeting area for conferences. They also have a campground, a small snack bar and an office. You pay 1000 shillings (about 40 cents) to enter and you can stay for several days if you’d like. We just stayed for a few hours, but it was a great experience. You get this amazing view of Lake Victoria. Then there are places under the trees and all around to sit and pray. Several people just walked around praying, either silently or out loud. Heather and I sat down and talked for a while and then we got off by ourselves. Then we got back together and prayed with each other. I am so glad to have amazing sisters in Christ here to talk with, cry with, and lean on.


I had a great time of praying, reading scripture, and just taking a deep breath with God. I could see all of His amazing creation around me. I could hear the fervent and earnest prayers of other believers. For a while I could hear nothing but the chirping and the wind in the trees. It was glorious. For me it was a great time to relax, focus on God, and pray for many specific situations. It’s interesting to see how God has changed many of my prayers over the last months. It’s tricky to balance praying for what I know God can do and what I want vs. praying for God’s will to be done, for Him to be glorified, and for me to be ok with His plan. Does that make sense? I’ve cried out to Him many times telling Him how hard this is, telling Him my fears, telling Him my worries . These are all things He already knows, but I feel better telling Him myself. But then He always reminds me that I must trust in Him, trust in His timing, and trust that His ways and plans are better than mine… even when it’s hard and it hurts. Oh how I long to have my family all together. How I long for Mercy to be in our home in the US. How I long for Emma and Avery and to be a part of their day to day routines. But I must trust Him in all circumstances. This is what He kept reminding me of while I prayed. And I found some more peace, which I greatly needed.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met people in recent months and they’ve said, “I don’t know how you do it. I would be a complete mess if I was in your shoes. I couldn’t do it.” A year ago, I would have said the same thing. I’ve had a few days of complete freak out and crying. I’ve been angry at God, myself, and others. I’ve had my share of “Mommy Guilt”. But when I ask Him for help and when I let Him in, I find peace. I find peace through your prayers for me and my family. I find joy in the wonderful friends God has placed in my life in Uganda and in the US. I find joy in Mercy’s smiles and antics. I find purpose in the ministry God gives me to do here.  I see God’s provision for my family on a daily basis. I see Emma and Avery doing well and keeping such great attitudes through all of this and it blesses my soul. I see the blessing in the wonderful husband God gave me. He amazes me each day with all he is doing at home and at church. God gives you what you need, when you need it, if you let Him. That’s what I’ve learned. When I try to keep control and hold on to all of my fears and anxiety, I lose it. When I grasp at my plans and desires, I fall. When I give in and tell God I need His help, I get through the day. Geez, I hope this is a lesson that I will remember for the rest of my life and not just days when I am on Prayer Mountain.

Random Tidbits

Since you all seem so interested in Mercy’s hair-do’s here a pic of my latest attempt. I did these little twist things in the front and then just regular puffs in the back. I think it’s pretty cute. It’s kind of fun trying to figure all of this out. And seriously, you people make me laugh.. my most popular posts are always the ones to do with her hair. =)

I got a dress made here last week. I talked about doing it for a while, so I finally had Harriett take me to a tailor. It’s a bit hard to tell in the photo, but it’s a top and skirt combo. They made me a cool purse with the leftover fabric. It was a fun experience and I had a lot of laughs with the tailor and his helper. They weren’t quite sure what to do with this mzungu and her Ugandan baby.

Mercy decided that she wanted her teddy bear tied to her back in true African-fashion. It was adorable, but a bit hard to photograph because she kept turning her head to check back on the bear.

A Mercy funny… last night we were looking through one of her picture books. It was a book of “Things to Wear”. She pointed to a pair of gloves and called them “high fives”. I love how her little brain works. Cracks me up.

And a random Emma funny that I had to share…
Emma (to the boys at school who swear zombies are real): "First of all, if zombies attack, the unicorns will save us. And second, if zombies eat brains you have nothing to worry about."  Love her.

Encouragement

Yesterday, I was a bit disappointed that we did not appear to make much headway in coming home. We really hoped for a timeline of sorts, but it did not happen. Every day I was told to check back tomorrow. So frustrating. I wonder how many lessons on patience I must learn, but apparently I still need a few. But in the midst of my disappointment, God sent me loads of encouragement.

Yesterday morning I took Mercy to get her visa medical redone. It expired last month. Crazy, huh? It was a dreary, rainy morning and I was not happy about having to get out in it. I broke down and paid for a driver, instead of a boda boda so that we would not get wet. At least I got my favorite driver, Brian, who always makes me smile. When we got to the medical appointment, I walked in and found three young ladies I met last Sunday. One of them is here adopting. The other two are her friends. I was so glad to see some familiar faces and to have someone to chat with while we waited. Thank goodness…. we waited 3.5 hours. The good news is that Mercy has grown 8 pounds and 6 inches since September. Wow!

After the doctor’s appointment, Mercy and I met some friends for lunch. It was great to get to visit with these women. Two of the ladies have had their own tough adoption journeys and it’s always nice to be with people that understand. And my food was delicious. This may sound simple to you, but for the past few weeks nothing has tasted very good to me. I don’t know if it was a bug or just my desire to be home eating American food, but it’s nice to have food taste good again.

Then last night, I went to meet another woman for dinner. She’s here on a preliminary visit for her adoption, meeting the children and checking things out. We’ve emailed back and forth for a while and so it is always nice to meet face to face. We met at her guesthouse, where I have stayed before. While Mercy and I were waiting for her, we walked around the grounds. It hit me that the last time I was there was just after meeting Mercy for the first time. I had sent Cody an email about her, and it was in their internet café that I read his reply saying “Let’s go for it.” I actually got a little teary-eyed looking at the place. I thought to myself, “Lord, little did I know the wild ride that email would start. But despite all of the obstacles and hard times, I am so glad you’ve brought me this far.” My friend and I had a nice dinner and a great time visiting. I even came on barbecue night, so I really enjoyed the baked potato and barbecued pork. And I didn’t let myself dwell too long on the lack of sour cream. And my friend brought me a few gifts. She was kind enough to bring me razors, makeup, and allergy medicine. All of the important things.

Also staying at this guesthouse was Linny’s mission team from the blog, “A Place Called Simplicity”. I mentioned this blog a few posts ago. I was very happy to get to meet Linny and talk with her for a few minutes. I was even more surprised that she remembered who I was and where I was from. Impressive! Her team is doing great work with orphans and they were a pleasure to meet.

I was a good girl and took a driver to dinner last night. It is a long boda ride to the guesthouse and Friday night traffic in Kampala is horrible. My last bit of encouragement came in that drive, and I would have missed it on a motorcycle. Brian had a praise and worship CD in the car. It played many of my favorite songs and it blessed me to sit and listen and sing the whole way home. I felt God reminding me that He is with me every step of this journey. He gave me a day of meetings with sweet women to encourage me, even in simple ways they probably did not realize. He reminded me of how far Mercy has come since I first met her. As she slept in my arms, I thought back to the baby girl I picked up in August. She is not the same any more. She is strong and healthy and full of life.

It was a long day, but it was a pleasure. I’m learning to find great pleasure in the simple things… a good meal, good friends, good music… razors. While I may not have received the news I wanted this week, I did learn something. God is still my provider and my hope. He loves me and I am not forgotten. All things I think we all should remember every day.

She was loved.

Baby V went to be with Jesus this morning. Her poor little body tried to fight as much as she could, but she could do it no more. We know she is no longer suffering, but it is those left behind who are grieving. Please pray for those who knew and loved her. Pray for this precious adoptive family who longed to make her part of their family. And pray for those who took care of her every day since coming to the orphanage. She will be in their hearts forever. My heart breaks for them, but I rejoice in the fact that this child who was once lonely and abandoned did not die that way. She died a child who was loved and surrounded by the prayers of people all over the world.


2 Corinthians 3-5
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

Prayer Request & Adventures in Hair

Today I had the privilege of going to visit a sweet baby girl at the hospital.  She is in process of getting adopted.  She's been sick for a while, but fell very ill over the weekend.  She is doing better, but has a long ways to go.  It's a miracle she is alive today.  Please pray for Baby V, her doctors, caregivers, and the family that is adopting her.

==============================

Tonight I made my first attempt at giving Mercy a hair-do.  Yesterday I removed her braids and washed and conditioned her hair really well.  Tonight, after dinner and a bath,  I put on a very annoying entertaining “Miss Pattycake” video for Mercy and set to work.    I just did little puffs all over her head.  I need to work on my parts.  I don’t think it looks horrible and we’ve all got to start somewhere, right?  Here are a few photos.  This is right before bed, so Mercy was not the most cooperative with the photos.  But I want to remember this first do, so some day when I'm putting in extensions and doing corn rows, I can appreciate where I started.  By the way, the funky, shiny spots are where I had just put spray in her hair and then with the flash it photographed funky, but you get the idea.

From the front... sort of

From the side



From the back



Our Week

This week has been pretty quiet for us.  Mercy and I spent lots of time playing and napping at the house.  She's been fighting a cold and now a virus, so we've enjoyed a down week.  I wish we'd made a bit more progress on our case, but I am trying to wait ever so patiently.  We were told that we might know more about a possible timeline by this next Tuesday. 

A couple of funnies...

Mercy loves to look at this children's devotional book that the Cook's own.  She keeps pointing at this picture and saying, "Daddy".



Daddy

Then she points at this one and says, "Mommy". 

Mommy

That's my girl. It makes me laugh every.single.time.  Hope Cody doesn't mind me laughing at his expense.

Then the other day, we were sitting in the living room and Ellen pointed out this guy hanging on the curtain.

Our little friend

It's hard to tell from this photo, but this was a large lizard.  His body was about a foot long.  We tried to figure out how to get rid of him.  Herb and Lawrence were gone.  I thought about picking him up and throwing him outside.  The housegirls were very scared of him.  One of them said that if he bit me I would die. So we got the watchman to come.  He hit him a broom and was trying to sweep him into a bag and he took off running across the room.  The housegirls all squealed and took off.  I sat laughing.  Then the guard got him in the bag, took him outside, and threw him over the fence.  I really should have grabbed him myself.  It would have been worth the possible scratches to see their reaction. Needless to say, it doesn't take much to entertain me these days.

Misconceptions

Ever since my first trip to Uganda, I’ve realized that some Ugandans have some pretty far our ideas about life in America. I’ve been asked lots of crazy questions. People think we are all very rich. They assume we all have maids and drivers and live in mansions. I’ve been asked if I personally know President Obama. I’ve had to explain that there are people who go hungry in the U.S and that we have crime too. I’ve had to tell them that we have people with HIV and AIDS. They think we wear clothes one time and then throw them away. They’ve been told we eat monkeys and snakes. It goes on and on.

At Herb and Ellen’s right now there are 6 girls in training to be housemaids. Harriett trains them in cooking, cleaning, manners, etc. and Ellen leads them in bible study. These young girls are precious. Recently one of them asked me about marriage in the US. She’d been told that the woman gets to decide who to marry and is basically in charge of the relationship. She’s also been told that American women can have as many husbands as they like, and that we can marry our siblings or cousins. So, I tried to explain our dating, engagements, etc. I explained that men do not have to pay a dowry like they do here. All of this was fascinating to her. I told her that she could ask me any other questions she had about Americans because I’d rather her know the truth than here these misconceptions from others.

Yesterday, I decided to try to make homemade laundry and dish soap. Ellen and I thought it could potentially be a good way to save money and also give another skill to these girls. So while were in the kitchen experimenting with the girls, the questions began. Oh my! Here are a few of the questions:

1) Do you plant your own food or is it all done by machines?

2) Do you have any animals like cattle or goats?

3) How do you have these animals when there is no land and you all live on top of each other? (they were thinking of big cities like New York, not good old Kansas)

4) Does anyone ever do drugs?

5) Is there rape in America? Are there thieves?

6) Why do all Americans have godmothers?

7) Does anyone hunt? (they could not believe that sometimes women hunt!)

8) Do people really get pregnant, have the baby removed and then put it in a freezer? (this was a question about in vitro fertilization, but they were quite confused about the process)

9) Do you have to collect firewood every day? (you should have seen their faces when I explained our fireplaces are just for heat and looks)

10) How many tribes do you have? and then, What do you mean there are no tribes?

11) Do you have “night dancers”? This one confused me. So I asked what they meant by “night dancer”. They said, it’s someone who dances at night, sometimes without clothes. I was thinking of a stripper. So I said, “Yes”. Then they said, “And they really eat people?”. Whoa. Ok, something got lost in translation. Let’s just say it took me a bit longer to sort that one out.

So, I have my work cut out for me. I told them to think of more questions. It kind of scares me to think that some people have these misconceptions about Americans. But when all you know about us is from TV and movies, I guess I can see how it happens. Shows like “Real Housewives”, “Twilight”, and “Alvin and the Chipmunks” are not helping me out. Then I think of the Americans that come to Africa and expect only mud huts and to see people with spears draped in loin cloth riding on elephants. We have a lot to learn about each other.

Here’s a picture of the girls. They are wearing Cody’s old undershirts as uniforms or smocks. It makes me smile each time I see it.

Girls in Training



Signs of Attachment

Attachment is a huge thing in the world of adoption. Every adoptive parent wants to make sure their child feels loved and secure with them and understands that they will always be their parent and will always be there for them. This is a huge thing, especially for children that have been through a lot of trauma and/or had lots of caregivers in their short lives. Adoptive parents read books, take classes, join online support groups all to help them make sure they do the best job possible at attaching.

We are quite fortunate that attachment has been relatively easy for us. Mercy never lived in an orphanage, so we did not have any of those issues to work through. She lived previously with a family, so she knew a bit about family dynamics and she had one primary caregiver that she loved. She grieved over the loss of her former life and loved ones, but she already knew how to love and be affectionate. Another thing that I think helped us was that as soon as I arrived she was in my care 24/7. She learned to depend on me because I was always the one to give her food, hold her, put her to sleep, give her a bath, etc.

And although it’s gone very well from the beginning, every day I see little signs that it’s getting even better. One thing the adoption experts tell you is that for a certain amount of time the child should be only in your care. You don’t want to leave a newly adopted child with a babysitter right away because it can confuse them. You don’t want other people feeding your child or comforting them a lot because your child needs to learn to turn to you for those things. Since I do not really work outside the home, Cody and I knew Mercy would pretty much be with one of us all of the time for the first few months. We also discussed the church nursery and said that we’d keep her with me for a while and then just ease her into it after a few months. We figured we’d have fewer date nights. We planned on the first six months being a major adjustment period. Of course, we never expected that those first six months she’d be with me in Uganda . That’s thrown a few kinks into our attachment plan, but in many ways I think it’s been for the good. I can focus so much time and attention on Mercy because I do not have all of the obligations that I do at home. We’ve had much more “together” time than we ever would have had otherwise. So as much as I long to be home, I can see the benefit for bonding. You’ve got to always look for the positive, right?

The other day, Mercy was with me during a meeting regarding our case. This was the first time this man had met me or Mercy. He was fascinated that she understood my English. In Uganda, most children learn their tribal language first and then learn English when they start school. So it was surprising to him to see a toddler that knew English. I told him that she hears me speak it all day long, so of course she learns it. Then a few minutes later he remarked, “She loves you”. The way he said it showed how surprising this was to him. As I’ve said on this blog before, adoption is a pretty foreign concept to most Ugandans, so it is always amazing to them how much I can love Mercy and how much she loves me. My attorney said, “Yes, they love each other. They are inseparable.”



Do you think she likes me?  Sometime you've just got to hug and kiss.



Another positive sign of attachment… Mercy lets me leave her occasionally. So maybe we aren’t inseparable, huh? I can occasionally run to the market for a few minutes and leave her with Harriet or Ellen. For Cody’s birthday, we had a date night and Mercy stayed with Herb and Ellen. She had a great time, just like any child would with a grandparent.

Every Sunday at church, I have been sitting with Mercy. The typical Ugandan service lasts two hours at least. Mercy will make it through most of the music and maybe the start of the sermon, but then she’s had enough. I end up standing in the foyer or outside struggling to keep her entertained and maybe to hear a tidbit of the preaching here and there. I had tried a few months ago to put Mercy in a church nursery, just to see what would happen. She screamed and cried, and I knew it was too soon. At the time, this was a good sign of attachment because it showed she cared enough to be upset when I left her. A few weeks ago I decided to try again. She went happily and immediately started playing with toys. Mercy knows that I will come back and that I am a permanent fixture in her life. She doesn’t have to panic when I leave her in a new setting because she sees that Mommy always comes to get her. This is a huge step and a welcome one. She gets to run around and play, and I get to enjoy a whole sermon. It’s a win/win for both of us.

Even with Cody, Mercy shows positive signs of attachment. Naturally, she is more attached to me because I’m with her all of the time. But her two visits with Cody and then our time on Skype have helped them form a connection. While Cody was here this last time, it was noticeable how much more comfortable she felt with him. She laughed and played with him, cuddled, turned to him for comfort and kissed him. These are all great signs of progress.

Why am I telling you all of this? I don’t know. I am in no way an expert on this topic and I know that there are extreme cases. I have a couple of friends with children dealing with RAD (reactive attachment disorder). It is a long and draining process for them. I know for me, sometimes reading the books on attachment can be overwhelming and terrifying. But I also see how that knowledge has helped me be a better parent. I have a clue of what to look out for. I knew when she was grieving. I anticipated setbacks. Attachment and bonding goes differently for every adoptive family. For some it is almost immediate and for others it takes years. If you are in the process of adoption educate yourself on the topic, know some of the warning signs, and then relax and realize that with time, prayer and patience comes progress.

So Blessed!

I should have written this blog post earlier in the week, so I apologize. While Cody was here we had the idea of buying a bunch of yummy Ugandan coffee and tea and serving it at church as a thank you for all of their prayers and support. Our church family has been amazing. I know I’ve told you before, but they have gone above and beyond with bringing meals to Cody, Emma, and Avery, offering extra babysitting, sending lots of emails and cards, praying for us. The list goes on and on. Cody and I were both very excited for the coffee and tea bar this past Sunday. We knew it was something small, but a fun way to show our appreciation. We didn’t know that the church had a surprise for us.

As you know, we’ve done fundraising for this adoption and with my prolonged stay here the costs have added up. But we’ve also been very cautious about asking the church for money. Besides through this blog and Facebook, we’ve never mentioned to the church about our t-shirt sales or other fundraisers. We would never in any way want to abuse Cody’s position or make people feel obligated to give. So this past Sunday, Cody and I were shocked to receive a very generous gift from our church family. While Cody was over here in Uganda the personnel committee at the church decided to collect a love offering for us. I laughed to myself that here we were trying to say thank you for all they’ve done and then they go and do more. We are so humbled and we feel so loved. We’ve watched God provide every step of the way, and again I will say, we could not make it through this time without our church family. Much love to you all!