A Cody post.
I’m not talking about the long term, but in the short term. I believe that it would be most beneficial for every married man to live for a short period of time as a single parent. You will never view your wife the same.
Now I know that my experience is not universally true. Some men are far more in tune with their wives than I was back in August of 2010. They don’t need to learn this lesson. So I give those six men permission to skip what follows. I have not been a distant husband. I have always been keenly aware of my wife’s hard work, or so I thought.
When we moved to Kansas five years ago we made the decision for Melissa to stay at home. It was difficult for her at first. She is a busy woman, and if she is not busy she finds a way to be busy. For Melissa busy = rest. For me rest = rest. It was an adjustment for her, but she soon discovered/created plenty of work to be done. She was busy with the girls, busy with their schools, busy with church stuff, busy with house stuff, busy, busy, busy.
I was also busy at work, or so I thought. Pastoral ministry has its own pace, its busy seasons, its hectic days. It also has slow times to read, study, pray, converse. However, regardless of the speed of my day I always came home feeling that I had worked hard. So I admit that there were days in the past that I would find the house a bit dirty, or the floor needing sweeping, and think to myself, “Why hasn’t this been done? What was she doing all day that she couldn’t do these simple things? How hard is it to remember to buy milk?” Then I would sink into my recliner, and wait for these things to be done while a nap crept over me.
Then she left on a plane for Uganda.
My perspective has changed.
The laundry never ends. The dishes never cease. The floors are dirty five minutes after they’re cleaned. The children must be febreezed daily. Hair must be fixed every morning. Groceries must always be bought. The girls need new clothes for every new season. The showers aren’t cleaned automatically by my soapy runoff. If you don’t clean toilets regularly, the house smells like it! If you don’t empty the trash regularly, the house smells like it! If you don’t bathe your wife’s stupid dog, the house smells like it! If you forget to take your load of towels out of the washer and put them in the dryer, the house smells like it! And you cannot light enough Scentsys to cover the odor! Your place will just smell like pomegranate barf.
And let me tell you a little secret…I haven’t done all this on my own! Three nights a week I have wonderful amazing friends who bring us dinner! So the truth is I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO WORK LIKE MY WIFE!!!
Do any of you men wonder why your wife collapses on the couch every night after the kids are finally in bed? You’re ready for alone time, but she’s having coma time. It’s because she has worked like a rented mule the whole day! And we have no concept of how much work our wives have done. If you want your wife to stay awake a bit later, for some “business time,” I give you this tip. Help her. Do her work. Sweep it, wash it, sort it, scrub it, fry it, bake it, fold it, vacuum it. And then, when the kids are finally in bed, you’re all alone, and it’s “business time,”…you’ll find that both of you are asleep on the couch unable to move from all the work you’ve done.
So I’ve learned a few lessons.
- I can’t wait for Melissa to return, not because I want to hand off the work, but so I can share in the work.
- When left to myself I quickly revert to my college days. Rather than hanging up my clean clothes right away I live out of piles.
- Sitting down to pee is not about anatomy, but recovery.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…