Tami's parents were wonderful people. I fondly remember her mother, Betty, teaching my Girls in Action mission class at church. We did the best crafts and she would always give us the sweetest smile as she read to us about different missionaries around the world and taught us how to pray for them. I think that is where my love for missions began. Tami's dad seemed to be one of the most adventurous people I knew. Her dad was a lot older than mine, but he was so active. He snow skiied, snow mobiled, water skiied, and wind surfed. He was always on the go. I don't remember him ever getting angry with us, even when we were being very ornery or loud. He would just laugh and shake his head.
This is Tami, me, and Leah in about 1990. She was rocking that hair!
This is me, Beth, Tami, and Nicki going to my first "big" concert, Whitney Houston in 1990.
Beth and Tami at a wedding in 1991. Love the lace sleeves!
Tami was always a risk-taker, passionate, and sassy. =) She would try anything once. While I would be scared and weighing all of the consequences, she would have already done it and told me how awesome it was. Tami was, and still is, such a free spirit. She's always been my "hippy girl" even down to her peace signs and tie-dye.In junior high Tami's mother got diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember hearing my mom (an oncology nurse) talk about Betty's illness and just how serious it was. I remember the whispered conversations that I wasn't supposed to hear. Betty would always put her best happy face on and never wanted to let anyone (especially Tami) how bad it really was. When, Betty died, I didn't know what to do or how to act. When you are a teenager you don't know how to help someone grieve, or at least I didn't. My solution was just to ignore it. One of my biggest regrets is not being there for Tami more. That first year, I drifted away from Tami when she really needed good friends the most. She started acting differently, rebelling more, and pulling away from her friends and God. I hate that I didn't reach out and try to pull her back.
The next year, I moved away to Reno and Tami moved on with her life. Tami's life was a roller coaster after her mother's death. It really sounds like a made-for-TV movie. She experienced a step-mom, rehab, dropped out of school, and moved to Oklahoma to be with her biological dad. I remember her calling me collect when I was about 16 years old. She called to tell me she was pregnant and getting married. My world consisted of talking on the phone, homework, and giggling at boys. It was so hard for me to imagine her life. I bought a few outfits for the baby and sent them to her, and that was that.
She called me again off and on for the next several years. She even found me at college and called there. I went to school in Oklahoma just a couple of hours from where she lived. I never went to see her. I think her life seemed "messy" to me and I didn't want to get caught in the middle of it. I couldn't figure out why a girl who seemed to have everything growing up, could end up where she was. Wow, another big regret of mine.
In the years to come, Tami went through some of the worst trials a person could endure. She was abused, homeless, on drugs, and had four more kids with a man that was in and out of jail. Then one day, Tami decided something had to be done. In Tami's own words..."The day before I put the kids in the shelter I woke in the middle of the night and cried like I had never cried before. I sat on a old trunk that had belonged to my mom and stared out the window and prayed like I had never prayed before. 'Please God help me and help my children. They do not deserve this life they have been given. They deserve to have all the things a child should have.' The next day we were kicked out of my mother-in-law's house (she was insane and kept us locked in a room most of the time and of course the kids' dad was in jail!) and I was on the streets. Shortly after that the kids were in foster care and I was signing my rights over. He (God) answered my prayer and broke my heart at the same time. But look at us now..." Tami took her kids' to a children's shelter with the intention of getting them back after finding a job and somewhere to live. But that was not possible. To me this was one of the bravest and most selfless decisions Tami could have ever made. She wanted to give them a better life with two loving parents in a stable home. She knew that she was in no condition to raise her children, so she gave them up for adoption. She insisted that they remain together as siblings, and they did. After that Tami went to live with her step-sister in Virgnia. She started a new chapter in her life and even decided to start going by her full name, Tamara, to symbolize this change.
After a time of healing, Tamara met a wonderful man named Andrew. He became her knight in shining armor. He loved her despite her past and they started their life together. Tamara and Andrew have now been happily married for five years and have two beautiful little daughters. The girl who at one time was eating out of dumpsters now throws wonderful dinner parties in her gorgeous home. 
Tamara called me when her and Andrew were getting married. It was the first time I'd heard from her in many years. We have been in contact off and on ever since, but with the wonderful world of Facebook we were able to really get connected again about two years ago. Then, last February, she and Beth came to visit me for a weekend. Can you imagine, this poor girl who had not stepped foot in a church for at least 10 years, agreed to a weekend with two pastor's wives that she hadn't seen in at least 15 years. She is one brave woman! This is when Tamara got to share all of the bits and pieces of her life that I had not heard before. I was floored by all of the things she had endured. I kept thinking to myself, there is no reason that she should not be dead by now. Beth and I kept telling her that God had a purpose in all of this. I told her that God had protected her and given her this testimony for a reason. Tamara even went to church with us on Sunday. I gave her the option, but she said that she really wanted to go. She, of course, got to hear some fabulous preaching, but most importantly, she later told me that in church that day was the first time in a very long time that she had really prayed with her heart in it. I knew that God was about to do a big work in her life, I just wasn't sure exactly how it would play out.
Fun during our Girls' Reunion Weekend
Over the next months, I kept praying for Tamara and for God to really soften her heart to Him. When I told her about Mercy, she started praying for her every night and she later told me that this helped her develop more of a prayer life. Wow! She also told me and Beth that between the two of us we will have four adopted children and that she gave up four. She prayed that they ended up with a family like ours.
Well, you won't believe this, but in March, Tamara got contacted by the family that adopted her four kids. Her biggest concern and prayer for all of these years was to somehow know that they were ok, that they were loved, and that they understood why she gave them up. God answered her prayer. They have a wonderful family. She's been able to explain to them why she put them up for adoption. She's also been able to tell their mother that she knows how hard this must be for her and that she will never try to be their mom or take her place. She even gets to see the kids next month. I know in the adoption world there are many opinions on "open adoptions" and contact with birth families. But for this family, it's something they all want and I think it will be a good thing. Tamara remembers her own mother's struggles when she first got reconnected with her birth family, and she wants to very cautious in forming this relationship. In her own words again, this was Tamara's reaction to the first contact with her kids, "'Thank you God for this truly amazing blessing.' That was all Him and I dont have a single doubt about that. I knew at that moment he was there and had always been there. Funny thing is, everytime I prayed for those children their Mom was praying for me. After that I knew I needed to work more towards developing a relationship with Him. He was always there and I was finally ready."
In the past few months, Tamara has renewed her relationship with Christ and is learning to lean on Him during these hard and emotional times. Tamara's oldest daugther now lives with her dad and there are many issues still to be worked out with her. Tamara is praying for that situation and so am I. Tamara's father is now in a nursing home and not doing well, but she's trusting God with that situation too. Life doesn't get easy when we trust in the Lord, but we can find comfort and peace in Him that can help to carry us through these times. Now, Tamara wants to share her story to help others. She wants to be an encouragement to birth moms and adoptive families. What a story she has to tell... not to give glory to all of the hard times, but to give glory to God who brought her through those times to shape and mold her into the woman she is today. Tamara says, "I no longer blame Him for my past I thank Him for every bit of it."
Tamara has started blogging her life story. It's taking time to process it all and put it into words, but she's told me how amazing it is to see God give her the words to type. He's helping her tell the story. You can read the first three parts here.
I am so grateful that we have a God of second chances. That no matter what we do or how far we run that God is always there waiting for us and loving us. I love that God has given me a second chance with my dear friend. I know that I was not the friend I should have been or the witness for Christ that He wanted in the past, but I'm so grateful for the great friendship we have now. In many ways, Tamara and I are about as opposite as can be, but God gave us a friendship that will last forever and a love and understanding for each other that can only be from God.
I can't wait to some day tell Mercy how my heart for adoption began many years ago with a friend named Tami. I can't wait to explain to her that Tamara started praying for her before she ever met her and that those prayers helped build her relationship with Christ. I love that Tamara's life is a true testimony to all of the many facets of adoption. I know God will use Tamara and her story to encourage other families to adopt and to minister to birth mothers. And that is a good ending to a long story.
