For Such a Time as This...

Ok, I’m not Queen Esther, but tomorrow I do have to go before a very important person who could decide Mercy’s fate and resolve all of this. This is my last chance before the Christmas holiday to get anything done. And perhaps I do feel a bit like Esther. I’m not prepared for this. I did not sign up to become the poster-child of International Adoption Nightmares. I didn’t want to be made an example by all parties involved. I did not want to be “inspirational” to all of you. I just wanted to bring a new baby girl into my family. That first time I held Mercy in my arms when she was three weeks old I knew she was to be part of our family. That is all I set out to do. I guess if God had told me all of the rest of this stuff beforehand I would have second-guessed this calling. It’s almost laughable now, how simple it all seemed back then. But God did choose this path for us. He has me here for a reason. We’re in this specific situation for a reason. And I believe I have this meeting tomorrow for a reason. I do not know the outcome, and I’ve learned by now that things do not always happen as I would plan, but I know God has a plan.

So I’m once again asking each of you to pray.

• First of all, pray for this meeting to happen and for this man to see me. As anyone who’s followed my journey knows, no meeting or plan is a given in Africa until it actually takes place.

• Pray for him to allow me to speak freely and for me to have the rights words to say.

• Pray for him to have mercy on us and agree to help.

• Pray for him to act swiftly.

• Pray for my heart and Cody’s if things do not go as we wish.

This meeting is to take place around 12:30pm, which is 3:30am CST… again TIA (this is Africa), so this is an approximate time.

I have had many people tell me the last few weeks how strong I am and how inspiring our family is to so many. This is humbling. I do not feel inspiring or even strong. I’m just asking the Lord to help me get through each day. I have had plenty of really bad days. I cry, I complain, and I pout… and so does Cody. I ask God, “Why me, how much longer, what’s the point?” over and over. All I can say is that He’s continually reminding me to have perspective on my situation. He reminds me that I don’t need to know the whole plan. He’s reminding me that He never said Christianity would be an easy life and I’ve learned a dependence on God that I’ve never known before. So each time my hopes come crashing down, I have a meltdown and then I gather myself back up, pray for strength and wisdom, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all I can do.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds. I have a speck of hope. I know God is capable and can do anything He chooses. I don’t know if this meeting is the beginning my Christmas miracle to come home with Mercy, but it could be. I do know that whatever happens, God is still God and He still loves my family more than anyone else. And as a friend reminded me today, “Do not be anxious about anything , but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7