Frustrated

I’m not going to lie… today’s been a bad day. I don’t know why in particular. It could be a lack of sleep. It could be the darn rooster that again sat at my window saying hello at 5am… over and over again! There was the power outage and then the water outage.  Or it could be the reality that I’ve been here 7 weeks and I’m not seeing an end in sight.

I’ve missed the first quarter of school for Emma and Avery. Parent Teacher Conferences are this week. I have not volunteered a single day in their classrooms. Cody is buying Halloween costumes for the girls and signing them up for Upward basketball and cheering. These are all my things. Things I love and long to be a part of. The everyday things are the ones I miss the most…. packing lunches, going through school bags, making dinner, running errands… taking care of my family. But instead right now my amazing family is sustaining and taking care of themselves, along with the help of so many people. I cannot thank everyone enough for the dinners, special outings for the girls, and for the extra love and hugs for them. But I’m ready to be back at my job as mommy/wife to my whole family.

I do treasure my time with Mercy. Waking up to her big smile reminds me why I am here. Today while I was having my pity party I looked over to see her doing her crazy walk across the room and then falling down because she made herself laugh. I laugh each day when I have to do a “Mercy Search” to see where in the house she was wandered off to. She is fast! I often catch her playing with toilet paper, or someone’s phone, or she’s in the dogs’ water bowl. All of the typical toddler stuff.

Friends, I know that God has a plan. He’s brought us this far and done a great work. I too often forget that I am not alone in fighting this battle. And God is bigger than all of this. I don’t have all of the answers. I don’t have a timeline. I don’t have a clue when I’ll be home. But I am trusting God today that He does. I am weak. I am homesick. I want my family all together under one roof. But God knows that. During my struggle today, Beth could see it. We talked for a while and then she had the family gather around and pray for me. It was so sweet to hear her precious children praying for me. God used that and some awesome grilled ham & cheese and chips to comfort me tonight.

So please pray for me to have wisdom and patience. Geez, that’s been my prayer for the past year through this whole process, but I’m still learning it. Pray for perspective. There are families in worse situations than mine, but sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves we forget that. Pray for a miracle. We have some major hurdles and lots of red tape to cross. Thank you friends for praying me and Mercy home.